little differences..

When I found out I was having a girl this time,
I was scared but still pretty sure that it was true and
thought of a few reasons why..
things that are different from when I was carrying a boy...

- I love cleaning now. I even love the smell of the laundry soaps and different cleaning items you can find on that wonderful aisle at the store. Weird because I haven't really been much of a clean freak before. And it sort of drives toby crazy on occasion. :-P

- Everything makes me cry. How someone says something to me has become very important. I don't mean to, but I am very emotional about people's comments and actions. Some of that probably is my own pride and insecurity, but alot of it i'm sure is hormones. Not something that is too cute, but what can I do. Our little Zoie is worth it though!

- I don't like physical touch as a love language for myself as much as I did. Not sure why, but I sort of want my space from that quite often. Funny thing is alot of it has to do with being moody and certain smells, etc. just bother me. Not a fun one either, but a definate difference from with caleb.

Thats all the things I've noticed that are different... I am very excited to be welcoming our little one into the world in a few months. Hopefully I can conquer all the hormonal issues with God's help and find some uplifting moments along the way.

challenges

I think God gives us all different challenges,
but lately I've been comparing what I face to the lack of challenge I see in others lives it seems--
leaving me feeling defeated, wanting to give up, feeling discouraged and alone.

I know deep down God has a perfect plan for me and
also that this pain is temporary and also some of it based on selfish desires,
but it has been a hard few years.
Good in alot of ways, and some days very good,
but difficult circumstances for my desired comforts.
My comforts have been quickly fading away,
and I know that is good for me as a follower of Christ,
but it weakens me at times and makes me depressed,
and want to ask why me? why? why why.

Still I remain even the slightest bit hopeful,
i know my discouragement will not last forever
and that I need to forget myself and my foolish desires,
though some days I don't know what to do.
Thankfully also I am loved despite it all,
and that Joy comes in the morning
and weeping will not last forever.

shifting focus

Need to shift my thoughts from what i want to thinking on grace, and also asking the Lord instead what he wants of me.

So thankful for all the blessings i've been given!
our little boy woke me up at 6 AM today, so I guess I'm meant to get a head start on the day. :)


Scripture to think about for me today:


- For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and discipline.- 2 timothy 1:7


- Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. - proverbs 31:25

choosing life

I am angry that women in our country choose LIES over truth,
because, as I read this morning 1/2 of all pregnancies are quote "unplanned,"
to be put another way-- these are Unwanted, undesired, and unloved children.
Because they are choosing to believe that our Creator God is not big enough to take care of them,
to knit them together beautifully in that woman's womb, perfect as his design for each child.
He is big enough to provide for their needs... There are many things children simply do not need as well.
They don't need games, tv, 1,000 outfits, etc etc. Most of all they just need to be clean, to be held and loved.

I am angry because women my age are deciding to get abortions because it doesn't fit with their plans.
What greater plan could one have than to help nurture life?? Than to have a little life to help and another person to love? I don't know. But i think its the lie that they need more stuff. That they just couldn't make it and maybe in 5 years they will want a child, but not now. Not the right time. Why? Maybe they think that their career needs them, that they need X amount more dollars in the bank first.
Wrong, but check your bibles. Check your hearts! Pray and seek his face and talk to our creator, he made you.
I am also angry because now society, and our government, is making it easier and even free with the new healthcare plan, to get birth control. A way to control your life so you won't have to worry about anyone but yourself, right? Truly, that is what I think of it. Natural family planning can be just as effective. There are ovulation predictors for example. And you then would abstain during those times, fast and pray if you wish, or use condoms if you must. Women these days are planners, anyways. A calendar, an iphone app, whatever you need, you could write in your cycle and go by that. Yes, I am writing things that may make people upset with me, but I am very upset myself about the state of our nation and the fact that many many people are being deceived.

Think about this. The two shall become one flesh. Most of all, one flesh in mind that they are united as man and wife.

But also, One living breathing flesh can be created if God desires/allows, and One tiny little heart that beats so sweetly inside of a new mother. It brings me almost to tears to think about how beautiful that is. For two people to cling to one another, as christ clings to us, and to create life out of that. It is not meant to be a love that stops. It is a love that goes on.. A love that is creative. Ask God about it, he made it. He created sex to reproduce, not animalistic-ally or on our schedules... But responsibly taking our roles as we should and bringing our children up in the fear of the Lord.

That is all I will say about it but please don't let our culture define your views of ANYTHING.
Get out your bible, seek his face and his spirit and let him guide you in every decision.
I do not know what is right for your life, and I am not trying to cause anyone to be upset with me on this issue. I simply am angry that the devil has been winning, and that people are being so naiive and missing out on Blessings. I am thankful God brought me to the place of parenthood. It truly is the best thing I've ever experienced, and yet the hardest, most difficult. I have gray hair now, and I have less and less time for myself. Thank God for that.

Thank God for trials in my life to bring me to his feet daily.
I am not worthy of his love, and thankful for his amazing grace.
Our country needs his grace.
You and I need a daily supply of his grace.
Help women you know learn to seek him in their decisions, challenge them to search further for truth and not be swept away in what everyone else does. Please.

mal's italian pasta salad recipe

This is all general measurements, I didn't start out with any specifics besides i wanted a cold pasta salad to make ahead for toby when he got home from work and was hungry :)..

3/4 box small shell pasta, cooked, & drained
3 T mayo
5 or 6 T olive oil
1/3 cup spaghetti sauce ( i used homemade, but any kind should work)
1 T italian seasoning (mix- but you could just use basil, oregano, thyme here)
1 clove garlic, finely minced
1 small sweet onion, very finely chopped ( i used the mini food chopper)
1 small bell pepper, finely chopped
1 medium or large fresh Tomato, diced small
about 7 or 8 black or green olives, sliced
1 1/2 T ranch dressing
2 T salt, i used some seasoning salt with this (*salt to preference)
1/2 teaspoon kelp
1/4 teaspoon sugar or stevia (optional but i think it helps)
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)

Mix & chill for about 30 minutes or more.
Serves 3 or 4 people.